Tag Archives: felony
Fellony Silas Charged With Felony Battery After a Bar Attack
If you believe in God, I highly suggest that you not name your daughter Fellony. Why? Because if I were God, I would most definitely make sure that a child named Fellony wound up arrested for Felony because the irony and hilarity is just too amazing. Figure someone so lonely, such as God, would love to make things like this take place. I mean, who wouldn’t?
Fellony Silas, 30, was arrested on Sunday after smashing a glass on a woman’s forehead inside an Indiana bar. The victim was left with cuts and bruises, but one hell of a story.
The victim who was six years Silas’ junior said that the she had bumped into the ironically named attacker on the dance floor, which then led to an argument. Silas went to jail where felons belong, while the victim was taken to the hospital.
I hate to admit it, but I’m a little ashamed because my girlfriend and I have a dog who we named Felon (female). I thought our bitches name was definitely fitting, but I can assure you she’s never smashed a glass over anyone’s head.
Related articles
- Charing Fellony: The World’s Most Unfortunate Name For A Criminal Defendant (jonathanturley.org)
- Commence the packing for the next vacation Mr. President… (battleofourtimes.com)
- Irene retired from tropical storm name list (battleofourtimes.com)
- Man Rides Motorcycle Into Bar And Demands Fight, Bar Complies (dreamindemon.com)
- Ex-Girlfriend Busted For Brutal Scrotum Attack (disclose.tv)
Toothless Man Eats Raw Beef Off Wal-Mart Shelves
Scott T. Shover, 53, was apparently so hungry that he decided it would be a great idea to go into a Wal-Mart and eat some raw beef he found on their shelves. Not only did he steal food from the chain store, but he also ate raw fucking beef. How absolutely revolting is that. And I’m sorry, but this is no prime cut beef from some high end distributor, it’s Wal-Mart beef. The decision to do so must have been how easy it was to get it down, considering his lack of teeth.
Unfortunately for Shover, he has four previous offenses with stealing from retail stores and is now facing a felony for this $25 raw beef binge he had at Wal-Mart.
This is just disgusting, but he looks happy as all hell in his mug shot, so he must be fairly use to consuming raw food. Maybe he’s homeless and sticks to a strict raw diet and therefore, must steal to keep up with his diet. Either way, he will most likely be deprived raw foods in prison so this was a rather stupid idea.
Famed Hand Surgeon Arrested For Domestic Abuse After Throwing His Humanitarian Award At Wife
Michael Brown is (or should I say, was) a famed hand surgeon that was arrested for domestic abuse back in August, 2010. He is well known amongst the community and has many carpel tunnel clinics, the Brown Hand Center, in varying locations: Houston,Phoenix, Dallas, Austin and Las Vegas.
During a dispute with his fourth wife, Rachel Brown, the hand surgeon began to chase his wife and thow multiple items at her, which included vases and the Joanne Herring 2010 Humanitarian of the Year award. The irony of this man receiving a humanitarian award and then throwing it at his wife is amazing. Sadly, there is much more that makes this award seem so odd.
Brown had acknowledged in 2002 that he beat his third wife; Due to this admission, he may be facing a felony. He also had his medical license revoked after testing positive for cocaine in 2006. So far, he sounds like an all around good guy, right?
And more so, this apparent fight started because Mr. Brown was having a late night phone call with another woman. Rachel heard a late night phone call because her adoring husband accidentally dialed his wife and left a voice mail where he can be heard flirting with another woman. Way to go Mr. Brown.
Female “Vampire” Busted Biting Victim
Another woman from Florida has made the state look it’s absolute best by claiming that she is a vampire and attempting to claim a victim. I’m sorry but what the hell makes you think that you need blood to survive after 22 years of living without it? And if you were a vampire, don’t you think that you could get away quickly without being noticed or at least not caught by the police? I’d say you’re either strictly human or a pretty shitty fucking vampire. The story is even better though due to the chosen location, disability that the elderly man endured previous to the attack as well as what she has chosen to study. Read below to laugh your ass off.
SEPTEMBER 8–A Florida woman who claimed to be a “vampire” last night attacked an elderly man, biting him on the face and arm and tearing away chunks of his skin, according to police.
Josephine Smith, 22, was arrested today and charged with felony aggravated battery on an elderly person. Smith, seen in the mug shot at right, was booked into the Pinellas County Jail, where she is being held in lieu of $50,000 bail.
“I’m a vampire, I am going to eat you,” Smith announced before allegedly attacking Milton Ellis, according to an arrest affidavit.
Ellis, 69, received stitches to close up wounds suffered during the assault, which occurred in front of a vacant Hooters in St. Petersburg. Cops says Ellis, who uses a motorized wheelchair, was asleep when Smith pounced on him, commenced biting, and announced that she was a vampire.
The bleeding Ellis escaped his attacker’s clutches and called 911 from a nearby gas station.
When cops arrived, they located Smith–covered in blood and half naked–near the Hooters, according to a police spokesman. During questioning, she was unable to tell officers what had transpired outside the shuttered restaurant. Nor could she explain what had happened to her pants or why her panties were at her ankles.
According to her Facebook profile, Smith has recently studied “dental assisting” at the Fortis Institute in Pensacola, where she resides.
Robert Vietze, JetBlue Passenger, Pees On Sleeping Passenger
UPDATED August 12th, 2011: Link is provided below.
While many of us may have friends, or ourselves, that have pissed in odd places while on a drunken stupor, this is most definitely a unique story. Eighteen-year-old Robert Vietze had consumed 8 drinks while on a red eye flight from Portland, Oregon to Vermont. With so much alcohol in his system, it’s obvious that he would need to use the restroom.
Unfortunately, he misjudged where the restroom was on the plane and instead started pissing on an eleven-year-old girl who was on the flight with her sister and father. Luckily, for Vietze, the sister and father were in the CORRECT restrooms and not urinating on their daughter/sister.
I was drunk, and I did not realize I was pissing on her leg,” the 6-foot-4, 195-pound Vietze told law enforcement.
After flight attendants interfered, more chaos commenced on this JetBlue flight. Another passenger started complaining that they had chest pains an hour before the flight was set to land, and then vomited. The flight attendants tried to keep this passenger calm, as well as the father of the young girl who had been peed on, so that they could make it to the destination.
Once they arrived, two individuals helped the sick man, while four others took Vietze and turned him over to authorities. He has been issued a federal summons for indecent exposure. This is one of the many reasons to keep your drinking to slightly buzzed and not totally blitzed on a flight back home.
Ironically, this is not “the first time a passenger has peed on another under the influence of alcohol. Back in June, a drunk New Zealand man on a Jetstar flight from Auckland to Singapore peed on the plane’s carpet, a man’s leg and a woman’s scarf after drinking whiskey out of Burger King cups with friends. The man, Michael Aitkin, eventually came forward and apologized profusely to his fellow passengers for his actions.”
UPDATE: Click here
Charles Wesley Arrested: 71-Year-Old Graffiti Grandpa Identified As Florida Street Vandal
Mr. Charles Wesley is just about the coolest elderly man, in my opinion. Wesley has been tagging “SLA” on utility poles for six years around the Dundee and Clearwater neighborhoods in Florida.
Unfortunately, people weren’t as thrilled with this grandpa going around town and tagging, and made reports to officers about the man’s description. On Sunday morning, someone had called the police about an elderly man tagging in front of a vacant lot, and the man matched descriptions of the “SLA” culprit.
To authorities surprise, the intitals stand for “Sane Liberation Army,” a group Wesley believes will overtake the U.S. economy once it completely collapses. They had previously thought that it was referring to Symbionese Liberation Army, a radical 1970s group that gained fame by kidnapping newspaper heiress Patricia Hearst, which may be what led them to not notice the elderly Wesley.
Even at his age, he was charged with felony criminal mischief, and without having the funds to afford a lawyer is being held on $5,000 bail. Let’s hope they realize that this man is old enough and doesn’t need to be spending his last few moments in jail, because quite frankly, who knows how many more he has.
UPDATED!! Three Siblings Shoot at Officers, Evade Police and Rob Bank
UPDATE HERE: The Fugitives have been caught!!! (August 10th 5:04PM Pacific)
Three siblings are currently wanted by the FBI for multiple felonies, including: evading the police, armed bank robbery, warrants, shooting at officers during a high speed chase, and much more.
Lee-Grace Dougherty, 29, Dylan Dougherty Stanley, 26, and Ryan Edward Dougherty, 21 all have previous criminal records. Their mom has been pleading for them to turn themselves in to ensure no one gets hurt and “do the right thing”. Unfortunately, when three of your children all have criminal records and then pull a stunt like this, together, I don’t have much faith in you as a mother.
The youngest of the siblings, Ryan, has around 20 felonies already and one was for sexually texting an 11-year-old girl. One week before the bank robbery in Valdosta, Georgia, he registered as a sex offender for the first time. Lee-Grace was wanted for a hit-and-run crash and battery from earlier in the year, as well as having a probation violation. Dylan was fortunate enough to only have a charge of marijuana possession before this crime spree took place.
Here’s a video broadcast:
For more on these idiots, click here (They also had an underground bunker that they made and can be seen here)
Honey-Soaked Naked Girls Were Filmed By Pastor
The Smoking Gun – Using a hidden video camera, a Texas man filmed four naked, honey-drenched teenage girls while they showered at a church where he worked as a youth pastor.
But since the statute of limitations has already expired, prosecutors today were forced to dismiss felony charges lodged against Thomas Fortenberry, who allegedly did the surreptitious filming in November 2007 at the Greater Harvest Community Church in Pasadena.
The 30-year-old Fortenberry, investigators alleged, organized a “Fear Factor” game that included honey being poured over four girls he had picked to participate. After the contest, Fortenberry instructed the minors that they “could take a shower and wash the honey” off their bodies.
It was at this point that he allegedly videotaped the four teenagers with a camera he had hidden in the church bathroom.
Investigators learned about the filming from one of the girls, who eventually went on to date Fortenberry. “When they became closer and it looked like they might be married,” Fortenberry, pictured above, told the victim, now 21, “that he had secretly videotaped her taking a shower” at the church.
The woman, who was 17 at the time of the “Fear Factor” incident, added that Fortenberry confessed to secretly videotaping three other girls (two 15-year-olds and a 17-year-old). When confronted by a police officer, Fortenberry would not deny having filmed the teenagers. “The defendant would only say that he has done things that he should not have done.”
Either way, Texas prosecutors today announced that they could not pursue charges against Fortenberry since the incident occurred more than three years ago, beyond the statute of limitations for the improper photography/visual recording count. The felony complaints, which were filed against Fortenberry on August 4, were dismissed today by the Harris County District Attorney’s office.