Tag Archives: comedy
This woman had body armor implanted in her chest and probably had no intention of it being used for such a purpose. Hell, I don’t think anyone was truly aware of the pros of a breast augmentation. I must admit, I’ve been contemplating one myself and now that I know that it’s no longer a health risk, but possible life saver, what the hell.
The bizarre story about a new function of silicone breasts – body armor – took place in the family of a 40-year-old female Muscovite. The woman had a fight with her husband, and the man grabbed a knife in a fit of anger, the Moskovsky Komsomolets newspaper wrote with reference to plastic surgeon Sergei Blokhin.
The family fight would have ended with the woman’s death if it had not been for her silicone implants.
What makes this story even better, you ask? The fact that the same asshole husband who stabbed his wife was the one who had encouraged (probably demanded) that she upgrade her breast size 5 years prior. He had no idea that he was ultimately defeating himself when it came time to get rid of her. He did everything else right, stabbed the left breast, aimed for the heart, but the size didn’t even allow the knife to reach the thorax.
Thanks to modern medicine, the woman’s implant didn’t even leak and the breast kept its original shape. Ultimately, nothing is wrong with this bitch, just a little knife wound on her titty. What a foolish husband. And what a spectacular boob job.
- Online Breast Augmentation and Breast Implants Guide Answers Plastic Surgery Questions, Focuses on Patient Concerns (prweb.com)
- To B or Double-D, that is the question (casca01.wordpress.com)
- Paintball bursts breast implant? Yep (offthebench.nbcsports.com)
- Are Implants Dangerous? (everydayhealth.com)
In Snellville, Georgia, a young 21-year-old man by the name of Stephen Daniel may be one of the dumbest criminals yet. Yes, this idiot walked up to the gas station clerk and screamed, ”Give me all the money!” While doing this, the attendant is seen smiling and laughing, most likely due to the fact that he saw the police officer, B.W. Brown, just behind Mr. Daniel.
“I know what’s going on, but he’s not dumb enough to do this with me standing right behind him,” the officer tells Atlanta’s Channel 2 News.
- Snellville cop gets drop on alleged gas station bandit (ajc.com)
- Man dines, dashes, then robs to pay the bill: Cops (cnews.canoe.ca)
Kirsty Cass was sick of being a man and decided to take a Stanley knife to his own penis after life as a man became utterly unbearable. Luckily, doctors were able to save the transsexual female’s life, but had to reconnect the penis in order to do so. Now Ms. Cass is preparing for gender-reassignment surgery and will have it done by a certified doctor with real surgical tools.
Council worker Kirsty, who used to be called Andy, said: “I realise now how dangerous it was to try to give myself a DIY sex change – I could have easily bled to death – but it seemed like the obvious solution at the time.
“I had a few beers, looked down and thought ‘that shouldn’t be there’ so I got a Stanley knife out of my toolbox and just started hacking away.
“The pain was unbelievable. It took a couple of minutes of cutting before I realised the danger then I grabbed a hankie to stem the bleeding and dialled 999.”
I love that AFTER hacking at her own dick, she realized how dangerous that was. I mean, I realize how dangerous that is and I don’t even have one! I also am aware that if it was that easy, many people who wanted gender reassignment would just go ahead and take it off themselves.
She woke up in the hospital and doctor’s explained to her that the penis had to be reattached in order to perform gender reassignment in the future. Because she seemed a bit psychotic, she was then referred to a psychologist who diagnosed her with gender dysphoria. Duh.
The father-of-two, supported by daughter Jodie, 21, now takes a cocktail of drugs to suppress male hormones and had surgery on his Adam’s apple to alter the pitch of his voice.
The 49-year-old from Crawley, West Sussex, now lives as a woman and is looking forward to surgery in April after a lifetime of feeling trapped in the wrong body.
Kirsty said: “I always felt uncomfortable as a boy. In my teenage years, I wasn’t interested in girls but I went out with a few girls to try to fit in.
“I married a wonderful lady who was supportive when I confessed I wanted to dress as a woman, but our relationship ended when I realised I wanted to be a woman.
“One night I just thought enough is enough, and decided to do something.
“Now I can’t wait until I’ve had the operation and I’m 100% woman.”
Well, lucky you. I guess this goes to show when you have a big enough temper tantrum about having a dick, someone is bound to help you get it removed. Maybe I should attempt to perform my own breast augmentation so people realize how badly I want one.
‘It says B****, my name is not b****, it’s Vicki.’ – Starbucks Employee Writes ‘Bitch’ On Womans Coffee Cup
Apparently Reveron and the barista had a slight disagreement as far as her caramel frappuchino was concerned, but she had felt that they left without any ill feelings. Obviously, she was wrong, and realized this after returning to work to find the Starbuck’s employee had written what appeared to be “bitch” on her cup.
She said: ‘I was shocked. I didn’t understand why they would do that. It says B****, my name is not b****, it’s Vicki.’
‘There was a B-I-T-C and what looks like a scribbled H. I feel degraded about the whole thing. It’s a degrading word here.’
When she went back to Starbucks to complain, she said the manager gave her vouchers for free coffee but when she asked for her cup with the incriminating evidence on it, there was one catch.
She explained: ‘He said to me “OK, we will give it back to you but you can’t associate the cup with the location”.’
I love everyone in this video!
Filmed by Kenny Noddin
Ryne Anderson, 19, is a typical male teenager from North Dakota. In fact, he’s like every other damn teenage boy I have come across, and unfortunately, had a dumb enough ex-girlfriend to get himself into some legal trouble.
Anderson is pleading guilty to a felony terrorizing charge as well as a misdemeanor sexual assault count, due to the claims his ex-girlfriend has made. Apparently he tricked this 17-year-old girl into sucking his dick and having sex with him because drug dealers demanded that this took place. Yep, that’s right.
The pair’s lives would be endangered, Anderson told the teenager, unless “certain demands weren’t met within a specific timeframe.” Some of the purported demands made by the drug dealers “were sexual in nature,” according to a police report. Anderson told the victim that if “she didn’t go through with these demands that people would be hurt or even killed, including her and her family.”
While being 17 means you’re still not that mature, you should still be aware that this is absolutely absurd! I mean, come the fuck on. If there were drug dealers after your boyfriend honey, they wouldn’t be asking him to get his dong sucked and fucked. Rather, they’d be beating the shit out of your man while making him watch THEM being sexual with you. Have you ever met a generous drug dealer that wants the people they’re trying to blackmail to get laid? No. If you believed this bullshit, YOU deserve to go to jail for a lack of common sense.
Personally, I think this little whore’s parents found out that she had sex and while the story may be true about him lying to get into her pants…she wanted it. She knew it was a lame excuse, but she was 17, not 12, and she wanted to enjoy herself. Unfortunately, this young man is now being charged for lying to get into her pants, which is what every other teen guy I know has done…at least twice in their lives.
For more information on this average teen couple’s sexcapades, VISIT HERE
- Victims of notorious downtown drug dealer urged to come forward (theprovince.com)
Well, actually, Juan Aquirre is accused of pilfering six empty DVD cases. The 21-year-old apparently was unaware that the cases he pinched were for display, and devoid of the corresponding discs. Aquirre is pictured in the above mug shot.
According to the Salina Police Department, Aquirre early yesterday shattered the front door glass at Cirilla’s, causing $500 in damages. During a canvass of the area after the break-in, cops questioned Aquirre, who was spotted riding a bicycle in the vicinity of the sex shop.
A search of the suspect’s backpack turned up the DVD cases and a sledgehammer head that was attached to a rope. In a sad epilogue to the burglary, investigators valued the recovered DVD cases at only $5 apiece, according to a Salina Police Department report.
This guy literally went out and spent a shit ton of money and got jail time in return. If you’re going to actually put forth effort into breaking into a store, you should most definitely check and see if you got what you had come for! Didn’t the DVD cases feel light, dumb ass? And you only stole 6 DVD’s?! I’d be damn sure that I had enough room to grab way more movies, maybe some lube, and at least some free condoms that taste like grape or raspberry or something! You deserved to get caught, lingering around the scene with the “stolen goods”, weapon to break in, and lack of brains.
- Man Charged With Breaking Into Sex Shop, Having Sex With Inflatable Doll (thedaleygator.wordpress.com)
- Sex shop slammed for teaching children bad things (rt.com)
A young boy in kindergarten is the youngster who unknowingly got his mother, Michelle Marie Cheatham, 32, arrested for drug use. Cheatham was charged with possession of a controlled substance and one count of first-degree child endangerment after her young son decided it would be a great idea to show his class his mother’s drug paraphernalia.
Sweet Springs Elementary School in Missouri probably never expected to have to deal with something like this. In fact, he didn’t just bring in his mother’s personal supply of methamphetamine, he brought in baggies totaling a value of $3,700. This bitch was selling drugs and got ratted on by her own son who probably can’t even read yet.
When I called the prosecutor about it, they said, “You’re kidding me, aren’t you?”‘ said Police Chief Richard Downing.
According to reports, Cheatham’s life went off the rails after her husband died earlier this year in a car crash.
This kid probably just wanted a way out and knew what he was doing. He took his mother’s drugs, gained sympathy from his school, and now doesn’t have to deal with his mother who obviously had some issues. Yes, her husband had died and that must have been awful. Sadly, that’s no excuse because plenty of people have deceased relatives and don’t leave $3,700 worth of crack easily accessible by their elementary school children.
- Mom Arrested After Son Takes Her Drugs, Meth Pipe To Show And Tell (dreamindemon.com)