Tag Archives: comedy
UPDATE: October 10th, 2011 – 11:26PM
There are members in the Amish community in Ohio that are fearful and angry about the recent occurrences amongst them. There have been multiple breaks ins, and in each occurrence, men’s and women’s hair is being cut off as well as the men’s beards.
Four different sheriff’s departments – Jefferson County, Carroll County, Holmes County and Trumbull County – reported similar incidents this week involving hair cutting, with reports of groups of Amish men yanking victims out of their homes by their beards or bursting into their homes and attacking them with scissors.
The Carroll County Sheriff’s Department reported the Amish men referred to themselves as being part of the ‘Bergholz Clan’.
A 13-year-old female and 74-year-old man were amongst two of the victims in Holmes county when a group of 27 men came into their home. The cops moved forward aggressively and were taking evidence from horse trailers and buggies, assuming that these were used in connection with the assaults.
Jefferson County Sheriff Fred Abdalla said there was a similar incident in Trumbull County three weeks ago.
He said hair from the victims was brought back to Jefferson County to prove to Sam Mullet, the bishop of the Bergholz group, that Mullet’s orders concerning the hair cutting was being followed.
Holmes County, and I’m assuming the others as well, have reported that they will be pursuing felonious assault and burglary charges for whoever participated in these attacks.
In 2007, the Bergholz Amish community was again thrust into the spotlight after it was alleged that sexual abuse was prevalent in the community.
Sheriff Abdalla testified that a 12-year-old girl was brutally raped in the community, and he expressed concern that there could be more potential victims.
He also said that the community was being intimidated by Bishop Mullet saying that he ‘has fear instilled in all those people; mind control in all those people’.
I love how much fun these little pranksters are having. They could be brutally assaulting these individuals, but no, they’re simply cutting their hair off. And the fact that they’re using their horse trailers and buggies as get away “cars” just makes me laugh hysterically. Like, seriously? If you’re going to break the law, assault members of your community, and more, I don’t see why you couldn’t just use a damn automobile. It’s not like you have much respect for the Amish traditions anyhow. And I would assume that they don’t move too fast and you could be easily apprehended after committing such a crime. Thank goodness your victims don’t have phones and can’t call authorities quickly enough to make that happen. Although, I’m still confused as to why they don’t just chase you, rather follow you, out themselves.
- Ohio Amish Under Investigation for Beard-Theft Ring [Crime] (gawker.com)
- Amazing Amish Auction Features Zebras, Camels, People in Bonnets [Video] (gawker.com)
- The Plain Ponzi Scheme: Feds Charge “The Amish Bernie Madoff” (jonathanturley.org)
- Here Are Eight Mugshots Of Amish Guys With Odd Hair And Beards [Deadspin XY] (deadspin.com)
- Behold the Mighty Beard, a Badge of Piety and Religious Belonging (nytimes.com)
I absolutely adore this woman! Not only does she say whatever the fuck she wants, but she does so at an age that most would expect her to br prudish and uptight. And personally, I agree with this statement. I have never seen a man cry so hard as when he gets slapped in his nuts. Not closed hand, punched in the nuts, but bitch slapped. Those sorry asses go down so fast and roll around on the ground as if we ripped their dicks off.
When I get slapped in the vagina, I get pissed. I don’t fall to the floor and cry about it. I have no intention of growing balls so that I can be easily diminished to a sobbing fool by an enemy, fuck that. I suggest you lose yours and grow a damn vagina so you at least appear to act like a man as opposed to a little bitch.
- WTF Friday: How to Make Vagina Cupcakes (collegecandy.com)
- Ashton Leaves Demi for Betty (weeklyworldnews.com)
- Do You Know What Noteworthy Thing Betty White Did?: Take The Fark Weird News Quiz (huffingtonpost.com)
This woman had body armor implanted in her chest and probably had no intention of it being used for such a purpose. Hell, I don’t think anyone was truly aware of the pros of a breast augmentation. I must admit, I’ve been contemplating one myself and now that I know that it’s no longer a health risk, but possible life saver, what the hell.
The bizarre story about a new function of silicone breasts – body armor – took place in the family of a 40-year-old female Muscovite. The woman had a fight with her husband, and the man grabbed a knife in a fit of anger, the Moskovsky Komsomolets newspaper wrote with reference to plastic surgeon Sergei Blokhin.
The family fight would have ended with the woman’s death if it had not been for her silicone implants.
What makes this story even better, you ask? The fact that the same asshole husband who stabbed his wife was the one who had encouraged (probably demanded) that she upgrade her breast size 5 years prior. He had no idea that he was ultimately defeating himself when it came time to get rid of her. He did everything else right, stabbed the left breast, aimed for the heart, but the size didn’t even allow the knife to reach the thorax.
Thanks to modern medicine, the woman’s implant didn’t even leak and the breast kept its original shape. Ultimately, nothing is wrong with this bitch, just a little knife wound on her titty. What a foolish husband. And what a spectacular boob job.
- Online Breast Augmentation and Breast Implants Guide Answers Plastic Surgery Questions, Focuses on Patient Concerns (prweb.com)
- To B or Double-D, that is the question (casca01.wordpress.com)
- Paintball bursts breast implant? Yep (offthebench.nbcsports.com)
- Are Implants Dangerous? (everydayhealth.com)
In Snellville, Georgia, a young 21-year-old man by the name of Stephen Daniel may be one of the dumbest criminals yet. Yes, this idiot walked up to the gas station clerk and screamed, ”Give me all the money!” While doing this, the attendant is seen smiling and laughing, most likely due to the fact that he saw the police officer, B.W. Brown, just behind Mr. Daniel.
“I know what’s going on, but he’s not dumb enough to do this with me standing right behind him,” the officer tells Atlanta’s Channel 2 News.
- Snellville cop gets drop on alleged gas station bandit (ajc.com)
- Man dines, dashes, then robs to pay the bill: Cops (cnews.canoe.ca)
Kirsty Cass was sick of being a man and decided to take a Stanley knife to his own penis after life as a man became utterly unbearable. Luckily, doctors were able to save the transsexual female’s life, but had to reconnect the penis in order to do so. Now Ms. Cass is preparing for gender-reassignment surgery and will have it done by a certified doctor with real surgical tools.
Council worker Kirsty, who used to be called Andy, said: “I realise now how dangerous it was to try to give myself a DIY sex change – I could have easily bled to death – but it seemed like the obvious solution at the time.
“I had a few beers, looked down and thought ‘that shouldn’t be there’ so I got a Stanley knife out of my toolbox and just started hacking away.
“The pain was unbelievable. It took a couple of minutes of cutting before I realised the danger then I grabbed a hankie to stem the bleeding and dialled 999.”
I love that AFTER hacking at her own dick, she realized how dangerous that was. I mean, I realize how dangerous that is and I don’t even have one! I also am aware that if it was that easy, many people who wanted gender reassignment would just go ahead and take it off themselves.
She woke up in the hospital and doctor’s explained to her that the penis had to be reattached in order to perform gender reassignment in the future. Because she seemed a bit psychotic, she was then referred to a psychologist who diagnosed her with gender dysphoria. Duh.
The father-of-two, supported by daughter Jodie, 21, now takes a cocktail of drugs to suppress male hormones and had surgery on his Adam’s apple to alter the pitch of his voice.
The 49-year-old from Crawley, West Sussex, now lives as a woman and is looking forward to surgery in April after a lifetime of feeling trapped in the wrong body.
Kirsty said: “I always felt uncomfortable as a boy. In my teenage years, I wasn’t interested in girls but I went out with a few girls to try to fit in.
“I married a wonderful lady who was supportive when I confessed I wanted to dress as a woman, but our relationship ended when I realised I wanted to be a woman.
“One night I just thought enough is enough, and decided to do something.
“Now I can’t wait until I’ve had the operation and I’m 100% woman.”
Well, lucky you. I guess this goes to show when you have a big enough temper tantrum about having a dick, someone is bound to help you get it removed. Maybe I should attempt to perform my own breast augmentation so people realize how badly I want one.
‘It says B****, my name is not b****, it’s Vicki.’ – Starbucks Employee Writes ‘Bitch’ On Womans Coffee Cup
Apparently Reveron and the barista had a slight disagreement as far as her caramel frappuchino was concerned, but she had felt that they left without any ill feelings. Obviously, she was wrong, and realized this after returning to work to find the Starbuck’s employee had written what appeared to be “bitch” on her cup.
She said: ‘I was shocked. I didn’t understand why they would do that. It says B****, my name is not b****, it’s Vicki.’
‘There was a B-I-T-C and what looks like a scribbled H. I feel degraded about the whole thing. It’s a degrading word here.’
When she went back to Starbucks to complain, she said the manager gave her vouchers for free coffee but when she asked for her cup with the incriminating evidence on it, there was one catch.
She explained: ‘He said to me “OK, we will give it back to you but you can’t associate the cup with the location”.’