Category Archives: Sex

Most Embarassing Sex Shop Burglarly… Ever

The Smoking Gun -

In a remarkably botched (and embarrassing) burglary, a Kansas man yesterday allegedly broke into a sex shop and stole six X-rated movies.

Well, actually, Juan Aquirre is accused of pilfering six empty DVD cases. The 21-year-old apparently was unaware that the cases he pinched were for display, and devoid of the corresponding discs. Aquirre is pictured in the above mug shot.

According to the Salina Police Department, Aquirre early yesterday shattered the front door glass at Cirilla’s, causing $500 in damages. During a canvass of the area after the break-in, cops questioned Aquirre, who was spotted riding a bicycle in the vicinity of the sex shop.

A search of the suspect’s backpack turned up the DVD cases and a sledgehammer head that was attached to a rope. In a sad epilogue to the burglary, investigators valued the recovered DVD cases at only $5 apiece, according to a Salina Police Department report.

Charged with burglary, criminal damage to property, and theft, Aquirre is being held in the Saline County jail in lieu of $6000 bond.

This guy literally went out and spent a shit ton of money and got jail time in return. If you’re going to actually put forth effort into breaking into a store, you should most definitely check and see if you got what you had come for! Didn’t the DVD cases feel light, dumb ass? And you only stole 6 DVD’s?! I’d be damn sure that I had enough room to grab way more movies, maybe some lube, and at least some free condoms that taste like grape or raspberry or something! You deserved to get caught, lingering around the scene with the “stolen goods”, weapon to break in, and lack of brains.

 

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“Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” Is Dead! Finally!

Congratulations to any and all service men and women that have been forced to keep their lives a secret for any amount of time! Today, the repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” will be implemented, and gay individuals will have the right to serve their country, openly, as gay Americans.

The policy was originally a compromise that President Clinton had made in 1993, in the hopes of not discriminating against the gay citizens who wanted to fight and serve for their country. Unfortunately, his plan backfired and initiated the first actual law that made it legal for military personnel to be discharged sue to sexual orientation. In fact, “don’t ask” was never the intention of the military, and any valid evidence of homosexual behavior was reason to be fired.

“From this day forward, gay and lesbian Soldiers may serve in our Army with the dignity and respect they deserve,” Secretary of the Army John M. McHugh and Army officials wrote (see a PDF of the letter here). “For over 236 years, the U.S. Army has been an extraordinary force for good in the world. Our Soldiers are the most agile, adaptable and capable warriors in history — and we are ready for this change.”

There was a gentleman by the name of JD Smith, who was the co-director of Outserve, and he has decided to reveal his identity on Day 1 of the implementation. Josh Seefried is a finance officer in the Air Force and 2009 graduate of the U.S. Air Force Academy.

“I personally felt it was important to come out of the closet on Day 1 to show that sexual orientation in the military will truly be a nonissue,” Seefried said. “Overseas we have seen that some militaries still do not have people that feel comfortable coming out with their sexual orientation, even years after the policy has changed. I hope that by coming out, along with the other military members who chose to come out publicly in the pages of our magazine, help to show our military was ready for this change.”

For more information on this repeal, please VISIT HERE

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Parents Arrested For Allowing Priest To Sexually Assault Daughter, 12, And Two Sons

Jerry and Christina Ham

Jerry and Christina Ham have been arrested for allegedly allowing a preacher who had moved into their home, sexually assault their daughter, 12. Along with that accusation, it has also been claimed that they allowed their daughter and son to have an incestuous relationship (not by choice).

These “parents” were inclined to allow these behaviors due to their supposed religious beliefs. Authorities have claimed that “(t)here’s some strange beliefs in the family, to put it mildly.” Bullshit. What religion would require your preacher to molest and rape your daughter, have your son and daughter be intimate as well as abuse another, younger son? This is more twisted than Scientology, which is pretty much acknowledged as a science fiction novel written by the science fiction author, L. Ron Hubbard, right?…

It’s not?! Wow.

Preacher Larry Gene Martin

Anyway, Both Jerry and Christina Ham of Palestine, Texas have been arrested by police and charged with aggravated sexual assault of a child and engaging in organized criminal activity.

They were arrested following a six month investigation after preacher Larry Gene Martin was held on rape charges.

The 68-year-old is accused of raping the Hams’ 12-year-old after moving into their home in Palestine, Texas.

After his arrest he told investigators he was in love with the girl and wanted to marry her.

Shocked police believe further allegations of abuse involving the family’s two other children, boys aged eight and 12, will be uncovered.

Although Martin wasn’t a preacher at the time, he had previously worked at the Faith Bible Church where the Hams were known to attend. The thing that makes this whole situation worth was not only the knowledge that the parents had, but their willingness to consent to the sexual assault. You are suppose to protect your children. Fuck religion (especially if it preaches such negligence and abuse); That should be an innate bond between your child, the day you decide to have it.

SOURCE

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90-Year-Old Man Fathered 50 Children With Two Wives, Sister-In-Law And Mother-In-Law

'The best thing God made in the world was women.' said the prolific Luiz Costa de Oliveria, pictured with his second wife, her sister and his mother-in-law

Luiz Costa de Oliveria is a 90-year-old farmer in the country of Brazil, although at his age I doubt he does much farming. He describes how he thoroughly enjoys women’s company and believes that “(t)he best thing God made in the world was women.”

Sadly, some of his 50 children had died in their youth due to their poverty-stricken childhood. That’s ridiculous. If you can’t afford to actually be a FATHER to the children and do your best to keep them alive, then you should keep your dick in your pants. He seems happy enough though, because despite the dead children, he now has 100 grandchildren and about 30 great grandchildren. Again, none of which he’ll be able to financially assist.

Now, I don’t know why this is important but apparently this old man hasn’t drank or smoked in 40 years. Regardless, he still can’t remember all the names of his family members.

He said: ‘I could have other children out there that I don’t know about because I’ve always liked making love.

I’m sorry, but no shit. A LOT of people in this world like making love. But that doesn’t mean that we all have a huge fucking clan of children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren out there. In fact, when controlling your sexual desires is a problem, we call that being a nymphomaniac. The worse thing about this asshole is the fact that he slept with his second wife’s mother and sister. All three women mothered his children. Nasty.
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‘Honey Badger Don’t Give A Shit’: Eats Porn Dwarf Who Looks VERY MUCH Like Gordon Ramsay

Before you read the original article posted by Radar Online, please note that this was a false story that has been reported on many blogs. In fact, there is no real validity, but still funny nonetheless. Enjoy.

Radar Online -

In a bizarre case that would have even CSI’s top investigators stumped, a dwarf porn star who was Gordon Ramsay‘s doppelganger was found dead in a badger set in the U.K. RadarOnline.com has learned.

Percy Foster, star of X-rated movie Hi-Ho Hi-Ho, It’s Up Your A**e We Go, was about to be rocketed into the ranks of celebrity porn lookalikes due to his resemblance to the Hell’s Kitchen host when his partially eaten body was discovered in a badger’s den.

According to a report in U.K. tabloid The Sunday Sport, the 3’6″ actor was found “deep in an underground chamber by Ministry of Agriculture experts ahead of a planned badger-gassing program near Tregaron, west Wales.”

Expert CSI teams had to use fingertip technology to remove his body from the six-foot-deep burrow, and investigators have not yet ruled out the possibility of suicide.

“Percy was a little guy with big problems,” said adult film producer Dexter Yamunkeh. “He was doing well but was under pressure like everyone else in this god damn industry.”

In a recent interview, 35-year-old Percy revealed his delight at being compared to Ramsay.

“Porn lookalikes get more money than normal actors. Dwarf lookalikes are as rare as hen’s teeth and so can command top dollar.

“I’ve already ordered a new BMW and a diamondencrusted Soda Stream,” said the pint-sized porn star.

Man’s Corpse Goes Out To Strip Club With 2 Male Friends And Buys Drinks, Unbenounced To Him

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When Robert Jeffrey Young, 43, and Mark Rubinson, 25, discovered their friend’s dead body, they decided to put off on calling the police until after they had a little fun. Jeffrey Jarrett was in the vehicle while Young and Robinson went and got some dinner, then continued onto a strip club and withdrew $400 from Jarrett’s account. Reporting the man’s death came after they had a free night of spending his money.

The men, who are now free on bond, have been charged with abusing a corpse, identity theft and criminal impersonation.

It’s unclear how Mr Jarrett died, but the men have not been charged with his death.

Young was an old college friend of Jarrett’s and was staying with him while he worked out some money troubles he had run into. After finding his buddy dead, he called a friend of his, Rubinson, and they loaded up the body and headed down to Teddy T’s bar and grill for drinks and dinner.
What I don’t understand is why they have to take the corpse with them? If they had the card, why not just go out and then come home and report the death? Either way, these men deserve to be prosecuted.
For more information, CLICK HERE

 

Sally Kern Belives Homosexuality Is A Bigger Threat Than Terrorism

For those of you who are unfamiliar with Ms. Sally Kern, she is an Oklahoma Republican lawmaker. Oklahoma is truly a breeding ground for Republicans that despise homosexuality, at least from my experience. Now, don’t get me wrong, not everyone from Oklahoma has these beliefs, but they are far more abundant than I am familiar with, living here in Los Angeles, CA.

Anyway, Kern decided it would be a great way to commemorate 9/11 by explaining that gays and lesbians are worse of a threat than terrorists and terrorism. While she may feel strongly about such issues, I don’t think that was extremely great timing. To be honest, I really don’t agree with the statement at all. If you remember correctly, TERRORISTS flew planes into the twin towers and the Pentagon, killing thousands of innocent civilians on American soil. As far as I know, there have been no such attacks from the gay community, and according to my ‘gay agenda’, none are planned for the future.

Also, AIDS/HIV is NOT a gay disease. I am seriously so sick of this bullshit! Yes, it was more abundant in gay individuals in the 80′s thanks to the fact that sex between two men was still seen as wrong and men were, at the time, forced to be much more secretive about their affairs. In doing so, protection was the least of their concerns, while being able to be intimate with individuals they were sexually and/or emotionally attracted to was their highest priority. Since then, the disease has flourished in, not just gays, but straights alike. Do your fucking research and don’t be so goddamn stupid.

Here is the idiotic statement made by an ignorant politician:

You know if you just look at it in practical terms, which has destroyed and ended the life of more people? Terrorism attack here in America or HIV/AIDS? In the last twenty years, fifteen to twenty years, we’ve had maybe three terrorist attacks on our soil with a little over 5,000 people regrettably losing their lives. In the same time frame, there have been hundreds of thousands who have died because of having AIDS. So which one’s the biggest threat?

And you know, every day our young people, adults too, but especially our young people, are bombarded at school, in movies, in music, on TV, in the mall, in magazines, they’re bombarded with ‘homosexuality is normal and natural.’ It’s something they have to deal with every day. Fortunately we don’t have to deal with a terrorist attack every day, and that’s what I mean.

-Sally Kearn

Listen to the audio of the above statement, below.

The reason that we are bombarded with such information in the media, is because the media is trying to give American citizens the right to be who they are and not feel badly about it, to the point of extreme actions. There are many young kids who have been victims of suicide, bullying, drug abuse, etc. based on the simple fact that they don’t feel comfortable letting people know how they truly feel. I’m not saying that all of these cases are due to homosexuality, but there are definitely quite a few. If your religious and moral beliefs make you want to belittle and refuse to acknowledge individuals based on their natural attraction to someone of the same sex, then let that be your own damn opinion; But I do NOT want and WILL not stand by and see your beliefs forced upon my actions thanks to laws that you are working to create. Go fuck yourself Ms. Kern.

SOURCE

Mother Screened Porno For 14-Year-Old Boys

As a 14-year-old boy, the idea that a parent would screen a pornographic video and allow them to watch it while drinking alcohol would be amazing. Unfortunately, this woman was not their mother, not a friend’s mother and was more interested in becoming sexually active with them than just letting them be curious teens.

The Smoking Gun -

A South Carolina “soccer mom” who screened an X-rated movie in her home for a group of teenage boys has been booked on a felony charge.

According to cops, Susan Hammond, 47, recently hosted the quartet of 14-year-old boys at her Lexington home. She apparently met the juveniles at youth soccer games (Hammond’s Facebook page describes her as a “Domestic Diva and a WILD hot soccer mom”).

After watching one movie, Hammond allegedly “went to her bedroom and came back with another movie for them to watch that was pornographic,” a Lexington County Sheriff’s Office report notes. “The movie was from start to finish, scenes of people having sex.” While the porno played, Hammonds allegedly gave the boys “shots of liquor.”

Hammond is pictured in the above mug shot.

Police seized a copy of “The Wedding” from Hammond’s residence and placed the DVD into evidence. Starring Poppy Morgan, the film (distributed by Rude Britannia) purportedly chronicles the British porn star’s actual nuptials and all the related orgy-like activities.

In addition to showing the teens “The Wedding,” Hammond, a mother of two, also allegedly exchanged explicit Facebook messages with one boy. In one exchange, she reportedly asked the boy, “Would you like it if I sucked your cock?”

When confronted by cops, Hammond “completed a written statement implicating herself,” according to an arrest warrant. After turning herself into authorities Monday, Hammond–charged with disseminating obscene material to minors–was released from custody after posting $10,000 bond.

I’m sorry Ms. Hammond, but you are not what these 14-year-old boys are interested in. In fact, you’re not what most guys or men are interested in. What’s pathetic is that you have to scout out children’s soccer games to find candidates for sexual interaction. And on top of that, you have to get them drunk and offer them porn to even present your offer. If you were truly a ‘WILD’ and ‘hot’ soccer mom, I doubt you’d have issues getting men your own age, yet alone, 14-year-old boys whose testosterone is out of this world.

Hopefully your children, the one’s you weren’t attempting to fuck, won’t hold this incident against you. Then again, they’re probably better off without you as an influence.

Famed Hand Surgeon Arrested For Domestic Abuse After Throwing His Humanitarian Award At Wife

Michael Brown is (or should I say, was) a famed hand surgeon that was arrested for domestic abuse back in August, 2010. He is well known amongst the community and has many carpel tunnel clinics, the Brown Hand Center, in varying locations: Houston,Phoenix, Dallas, Austin and Las Vegas.

During a dispute with his fourth wife, Rachel Brown, the hand surgeon began to chase his wife and thow multiple items at her, which included vases and the Joanne Herring 2010 Humanitarian of the Year award. The irony of this man receiving a humanitarian award and then throwing it at his wife is amazing. Sadly, there is much more that makes this award seem so odd.

Brown had acknowledged in 2002 that he beat his third wife; Due to this admission, he may be facing a felony. He also had his medical license revoked after testing positive for cocaine in 2006. So far, he sounds like an all around good guy, right?

And more so, this apparent fight started because Mr. Brown was having a late night phone call with another woman. Rachel heard a late night phone call because her adoring husband accidentally dialed his wife and left a voice mail where he can be heard flirting with another woman. Way to go Mr. Brown.

SOURCE

 

The 20-Year-Old Babysitter That Slept With The 14-Year Old Boy Reveals She Was In Love

Loni Bouchard was arrested on July 12th, after the 14-year-old’s parents discovered the relationship. Police were able to seize her journals and this is where some revealing information is brought to light.

Although Bouchard knew her actions were wrong, she believes that she is in love with the boy and age shouldn’t matter.She also expresses how great the sex was between the two of them, which pretty much seals her fate. She, feels much differently and is excited to find ‘the guy who treats me right.’

Here are some excerpts from the sad 20-year-old who fell in love with a child:

‘I don’t care about the law. I just want to be with him and not have to hide it.’

‘How can the law tell us who to fall for, who to like and who to love and especially who to date? I thought America was a free country.’

The boy’s mother had discovered that they were intimate due to messages that they were sending each other through FaceBook. Once Bouchard was aware that his mother was unhappy and going to take action, she decided to text her and see if they might be able to ‘work this out.’
She also allegedly told them they ‘don’t need to call the police’ and ‘let’s act like adults.’
After the parents filed a restraining order against Bouchard, she had much to say about it in her journal:
‘His mom absolutely HATES me because of the situation and I understand why, but she’s being immature about it.’
Sadly, she is obviously very immature and probably has the same mindset as the 14-year-old boy and I could see how she was confused about loving this boy. Her mother, Kimmy Bouchard,  was also arrested for providing marijuana and alcohol to the boy. Obviously, Loni doesn’t have the best example as a mother.  And if you’re going to act 14, stop having sex! When you’re 14 years old those relationships will MOST LIKELY be insignificant in the future. Unfortunately for Loni Bouchard, it will be extremely significant and the reason she’s serving time.
For more information, CLICK HERE

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