Greatest Man Alive, Charlie Sheen, Claims He Is No Longer Crazy

Charlie Sheen explains his “odyssey” to Matt Lauer and reveals that he is now “sane”. I am sorry, but you were really pitching your ideas during your fucking “odyssey” so I don’t know why you’re pussing out and downplaying the whole ordeal.

In advance of Monday’s Comedy Central roast, Charlie Sheen steered his latest promotional media tour onto The Today Show with Matt Lauer this morning. But something wasn’t right. This wasn’t The Charlie Sheen we’re used to.

“You seem…” Lauer started, clearly perplexed, unsure how to proceed. “Sane?” Sheen offered.

And that was it. Charlie Sheen is suddenly sane—meaning that he reflects on his recent episode (Lauer calls it a “chapter”—Sheen prefers “odyssey”) as the rest of us do: as batshit crazy.

Apparently, he’s seem to forgotten that he has “tiger blood” flowing through his veins and was a “total bitchin’ rock star from Mars.” The man has clearly lost his drive.

“I feel that that was just one crazy chapter, one weird phase, and that I was this guy before it started and I can be that guy again afterwards, you know.”

No shit Sherlock! Everyone was trying to explain this to you, but you were too busy out screwing goddess’ and bitching about Chuck Lorre to even give a shit. All you have to do is stop being a damn drug addict (even though you seemed rather pleased with your accomplishments) and start making sense to anyone other than yourself or porn star whores.

Asked what he would you have done differently about the last year, he says, “Just the tiger blood, adonis DNA, stuff like that—it was so silly, and people took it so seriously. I figured, I’ll give people what they want.”

Oh shut the fuck up! I know you’re a good actor Mr. Sheen, but there is no way that you went that fucking crazy just for fun and to give people what they wanted. First of all, we did NOT want that. You were fucking scary. Granted it was definitely entertaining and gave the world a new face to mock, but I would have never wanted to encounter you in public. Shit, according to you, your DNA was something out of this world, and I presume ‘tiger blood’ meant you were pretty damn ferocious. Thankfully, with your new found sanity, I’m assuming your DNA has been restored with humanity and your blood no longer quite so intimidating.

All I can say is I can’t wait to see this roast on Comedy Central.


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