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[VIDEO] SNL Digital Short #100

Okay, I’m going to be honest and I admit that I record SNL because most of the time it sucks.  In fact, I usually only watch it to see what Kristen Wiig does, but last week was amazing. Not only did they perform the Culps‘ shit, but they had this amazing skit…

 

This is the best thing I have seen on SNL since Kristen Wiig was introduced. She’s usually the most hilarious, but this shit was just as funny. Seriously, amazing.

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[VIDEO] Teacher Tells Student’s She’s Engaged to Jesus and That He Gave Her a ‘Special’ Eye

I’ve had teachers lose their minds in class, throw desks at students, Scream every curse word there is, but I have NEVER had a teacher tell me she plans to marry Jesus in heaven and that he gave her a special eye that allows Jesus to see what she sees. And quite frankly, I’m fucking pissed. This is one of the most amazing things to ever happen in High School. When I was trying to learn how to say ‘you are pretty’ in French (tu es jolie…that’s one thing that stuck), these assholes were getting a history lesson about Jesus from his FUTURE wife!

Imelda Paredes, 42-year-old Spanish teacher, confirmed that she was, in fact, the teacher at San Benito Veterans Memorial Academy  who was featured in the video.

The video, filmed by one of her students on Monday, shows Paredes begin a discussion about Jesus Christ and how he was in love with Mary Magdalene, a conspiracy theory popularized by Dan Brown’s fictional novel, The Da Vinci Code.

But the discussion soon turned bizarre when Paredes, who was speaking in Spanish during the majority of the 12-minute video, said that Mary Magdalene is not dead but instead reincarnated in different people.

“Soy yo (It is I),” Paredes said in Spanish, claiming she was the reincarnated Mary Magdalene and that Jesus Christ, who she claimed was in love with her, was planning on taking her to another planet where they would marry and conceive a child.

“I haven’t seen him (Jesus), but he talks to me every day,” Paredes said in the video. “He calls me, and he just recently promised me that he’s coming soon for me and for the good people to take us to the heavens, where I’ll have his baby. I have my husband here, but I don’t know what’s going to happen to him. My husband is Jesus Christ, and he is the one I want to marry.”

A student then asked his teacher, “How can you prove that you are who you say you are?” Paredes replied, “If you look at my eyes, one of my eyes is not mine.” She was referring to an earlier discussion in which she claimed Jesus Christ loved Mary Magdalene so much that he gave her one of the pupils from his eyes.

“Is there anybody that wants to see Jesus?” Paredes continued. “He’s watching you.”

As if that’s not creepy enough, she proceeds to take off her shoes and play music from her desk, where she stood motionless for some time. A couple of students were so creeped out that they went and told some other authorities at the school.

Once clear she was not fit to conduct an interview, the News asked her husband, Adrian Paredes, to speak on her behalf. He said, “I feel that my wife does care a lot about her students, and she loves working in San Benito. There’s really nothing else to say except to please respect my family’s privacy.”

Although she was once named Teacher of the Year in 2007, she has had some incidences that students reported. She is now on leave and will be reviewed before being allowed to return to the classroom.

SOURCE

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Thursday 4Play: Signage

Seeing as people are protesting everything these days, we might as well feature some of the great signs that have been photographed recently:

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[VIDEO] ‘Storage Wars’ is Fake

I work in and watch a shit ton of television, so I know well enough that most of the shows I watch are fake. Hell, most of the shows out there are fake, at least to some degree. With that being said, I love how pissed off this guy is and also how proud he is after catching this slip up.

 

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Mom Admits Burning Son’s Genitals With Flat-iron

Jodi Rock is a 19-year-old mother who severely abused her 13-month-old son the other day, by burning his genitals with a flat-iron and being the cause of broken bones.

On April 26, police arrived at the Tahlequah City Hospital in Oklahoma, where a baby boy was being treated for several broken bones and severe burns to his genital area. Police say that when they arrived at the hospital, the baby appeared to be “glassy eyed” and “withdrawn.”

Initially, Rock had fabricated many stories to explain the abuse and even explained that her aunt, uncle and boyfriend were to blame. Shortly after, the mother then confessed to “burning [the baby] with a flat-iron hair straighter… she then said she took and closed the iron [on the baby’s] private parts”, as stated in the arrest affidavit. She then continued and explained that where his genitals were burnt “raised in a white blister which fell off.”

As far as how the child’s arms had broken, Rock said that she or her boyfriend could be responsible because “both play rough with him…pulling him up by the arms and throwing him up in the air and on the bed.”

The baby has been taken out of his mother’s custody and was immediately placed with DHS, while in the hospital being treated for the injuries his mother inflicted.

She is currently being held on a $200,000 bond at the Cherokee County Detention Center on charges of felony injury to a child.

SOURCE

 

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[VIDEO] ‘Jersey Shore Shark Attack’ on Syfy

This has to be one of the most ridiculous movies ever made, and I haven’t even seen it yet.

Are you going to tune in and watch this piece of crap?

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[VIDEO] Young Girl, 3, Rocks Out to Gotye’s ‘Somebody That I Used To Know’

Children dancing to songs we love is usually entertaining, but this little girl is pretty damn awesome. Not only does she have some killer moves, but her facial expressions are above and beyond. Gotye should be proud.

 

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[VIDEO] Candid Shots of People Posing For Photos, But No Photo Is Taken

Many of you are probably familiar with Jenny Slate, former SNL star, who is now widely known for her internet sensation ’Marcel The Shell With Shoes On‘ (which can be seen below), but you may not know her fiancée, Dean Fleischer-Camp. These two both worked on the Marcel videos, despite Jenny being the one most known for that accomplishment.

Dean Fleischer-Camp recorded various people getting ready to take photos and compiled them all to make this video. Slate is seen throughout the video and slowly catches on to the fact that he has recorded video as opposed to taking photos. I don’t know why, but people posing for photos that are never taken is amusing.

And now, if you have yet to see Marcel the Shell, please take some time to watch below :)

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George W. Bush, Dick Cheney Convicted Of War Crimes

Former President George W. Bush as well as other members of his administration have been convicted in absentia of war crimes in Malaysia. This is the first time that something of this magnitude has occurred. Although Malaysia has been the only country to deliver a guilty verdict, they are hoping that more countries follow their example. In fact, former President George W. Bush canceled his trip to Switzerland, due to possibly being charged with war crimes. He can’t be arrested on American soil, so staying put seems the smartest decision at this point. If more countries vote the administration guilty of war crimes, then there would be no choice but to hold a trial and see if they would be convicted in the International court.

This past Friday, a five panel tribunal delivered a unanimous guilty verdict after a week long trial that, unsurprisingly, was not covered by American media. The witnesses included several ex-Guantanamo detainees that gave testimony on the conditions and human rights violations that were systematically carried out under orders of the Bush administration.

Former President Bush, Former Vice-President Dick Cheney, Former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld and the legal advisers Alberto Gonzales, David Addington, William Haynes, Jay Bybee and John Yoo that crafted the legal ‘justification’ for torture that basically said, ‘we can if we want to even if it’s illegal’ were the defendants. None were present, of course, but international war crime trials do not require the presence of the accused. The trial was run according to the standards set by the Nuremberg Trials to convict war criminals after World War II.

Professor Gurdial Singh Nijar, who headed the prosecution said, “The tribunal was very careful to adhere scrupulously to the regulations drawn up by the Nuremberg courts and the International Criminal Courts”.

The United States is subject to international law which makes this trial significant beyond the borders of Malaysia. Foreign Policy Journal reports:

President Lamin told a packed courtroom: “As a tribunal of conscience, the tribunal is fully aware that its verdict is merely declaratory in nature. The tribunal has no power of enforcement, no power to impose any custodial sentence on any one or more of the 8 convicted persons. What we can do, under Article 31 of Chapter VI of Part 2 of the Charter is to recommend to the Kuala Lumpur War Crimes Commission to submit this finding of conviction by the tribunal, together with a record of these proceedings, to the Chief Prosecutor of the International Criminal Court, as well as the United Nations and the Security Council.

 

SOURCE

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[VIDEO] Dog Swept Away By Rough Waters Of Merrimack River, Then Reunited With Owner

Sam, the golden retriever, jumped into the Merrimack River for a swim, when he was suddenly swept away. With the help of his owners voice, as well as the firefighters, Sam was able to be rescued quickly and reunited with his best friend.

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